Victoria is a perimenopause consultant and coach who lives with the condition herself. She knows its invisible forms. She understands how they disrupt. And she’s determined to help women navigate this transition with power, not shame in both their personal and professional lives. “It’s not because we’re not a good person,” Victoria begins. “It just means that we’ve lost our balance. There’s something going on, something that we can’t control internally, that is impacting the way we show up.” Learning about how subtle or turbulant this can be was quite eye-opening.
A Slow Hidden Transition
For many women, perimenopause remains poorly understood, often dismissed as simply the lead-up to menopause as an abstract process rather than a gradual transition that will make itself felt. It’s not the dramatic cessation of periods that marks menopause.
“Perimenopause is the very first initial stage of the hormonal imbalance that we feel in our body,” she explains. “It usually starts in the late 30s to the early 40s of our life… it’s the first 10 to 15 years before we actually step into menopause.” This time is not necessarily a quiet lead-up but an important period of change. “This is the moment,” Victoria stresses, “where we need to actually equip ourselves with the tools and resources that we need to thrive in this new phase of life.” Quietly enduring symptoms is neither necessary nor desirable.
When Your Body Becomes a Stranger
Victoria experiences a range of symptoms. “I have memory fog, which is a big one for me,” she shares. “Insomnia is another one of the symptoms.” Beyond these, many women in perimenopause also notice changes like irregular periods – often one of the first signs – along with new joint aches, skin and hair changes, or more headaches.
Victoria also describes “occasional debilitating anxiety,” problems with her “digestive system,” and a particularly disruptive “heightened sensory activation” – meaning she can become very sensitive to her surroundings. This heightened sensitivity became clear when a sudden loud noise occurred during our conversation. Victoria visibly flinched. “The fact that I can’t actually control my reaction to it is really, really bothering me a lot.” What may have been just another everyday annoyance can become an overwhelming experience when a person’s internal balance shifts in ways that reconfigure sensory processing. Critically however, these are hormonal shifts that can be understood and managed to varying degrees.
Advice and Outlook for Her Younger Self
Her advice to her younger self, or anyone facing similar challenges, is clear: “Don’t ignore it. Don’t feel like it’s over with your life… This is the time for you to raise your hands and say, ‘I need help.’ Ask for the help you need. Take responsibility for your health… educate yourself… and also have endless compassion for yourself, truly.”
Taking responsibility includes preparing for doctor’s appointments. “When you educate yourself on this stage of your life,” she advises, “you are taking responsibility for your health. And this allows you to show up with power when you are speaking to a doctor.” She encourages tracking symptoms and preparing questions. “If somebody is… making you feel like you are wrong for complaining about your symptoms, go for a second opinion, a second doctor who actually listens and can help actually diagnose your symptoms and give you the support you need.” Ultimately there are both hormonal and non-hormonal therapies and treatment options, lifestyle changes and more. The most important part is reaching out for help. (At the end of the article you can find a list of some questions to ask yourself / in preparation to a doctor visit).
This is also why Victoria believes perimenopause should not mean an end to joy and chasing your goals in life. “This is actually the best time to live,” she says with conviction.
“This is the time for us to really, really claim the experiences that we’ve always desired and be intentional with them.“
Navigating the World: Airports and Overwhelm
These internal changes affect how Victoria interacts with the world. Stressful places like airports can become major hurdles. “The queues are one of the most overwhelming things for me,” she says. “Especially when I feel like, you know, everybody has their baggage rolling around, bumping into each other, and whilst all that going on, there’s a crowd, some baby is screaming suddenly… it can all feel very, very overwhelming.”
Worrying about what might go wrong when there are no accommodations can in itself become draining. “We’re worried. What if there is a flare up? We’re anticipating all the mess up that might happen, how we should react, can react.” Hot flushes—sudden waves of intense heat that spread through the body, often accompanied by sweating and a rapid heartbeat that can last from a few minutes to half an hour — add another layer of unpredictability. “It comes out of nowhere,” Victoria explains. “It complicates it a lot and we can’t prepare for it.” Suddenly needing to remove layers of clothing in public spaces while feeling disoriented can be embarrassing and distressing. The need for a “cool space where I can take a break” or at least a clean, easy-to-reach toilet becomes essential when your body demands it. Now.
Taking Charge: Strategies for Self-Management
Victoria takes a proactive approach. “I have been willing to take responsibility for myself when I’m traveling,” she shares. This includes practical steps like layering clothes, using noise-cancelling headphones, and arriving early. More importantly, it involves internal work. “I like to affirm some mindset: ‘I’ve got my back. I’ve done this before. It’s safe for me to travel.’” She highlights the power of practice. “We need to engage in a daily practice of positive self-talk, breathing and grounding techniques before we get into uncomfortable situations… so that when we are now at the airport or at work, it’s easy for us to tap into those sources of calm.”
Understanding, Recognition and Support is Key
For staff at airports and airlines, she has specific recommendations in mind that are based in empathy and understanding first. “We need to educate the staff,” she urges. “To educate them that menopause is also one of those hidden disabilities that impact women… They need to understand that perimenopause and menopause is also a hidden disability that needs to be reckoned with. That someone might appear flustered or disoriented not because they are being difficult but because their body is throwing them a challenge.” It is about making sure all passengers ultimately get understanding and appropriate accommodation to make use of airports and travel. As Victoria puts it, “There are many symptoms. It doesn’t mean that we are going crazy… but these things do impact the way we show up.”
On to New Adventures
She leads by example. For her upcoming 50th birthday, she is not planning a quiet retreat. “I actually want to rent a van and just drive around Australia,” she shares, her enthusiasm clear. “Swim in the ocean and just have fun with nature. I want to really, really reconnect with nature… activating the different aspects of my body, of my memory, of my joy.”
In other words, Victoria is using perimenopause as a chance to demand better and do better. To educate others. To advocate fiercely. To travel anyway. To claim joy deliberately. To thrive through turbulence.
Some questions to consider for your doctor’s appointment
1. Listing and Tracking Symptoms: Being specific and providing patterns can be very helpful for your doctor. Consider tracking:
- Menstrual Cycle Changes:
- Frequency (e.g., “My period came every 23 days, now it’s every 40-50 days,” or “I’ve skipped my period for 2 months”).
- Flow (e.g., “Much heavier than usual with clots,” or “Very light, lasting only 2 days”).
- Duration of periods.
- Hot Flushes/Night Sweats:
- Frequency (how many per day/night).
- Intensity (mild, moderate, severe – how much do they disrupt you?).
- Duration (how long does each episode last?).
- Triggers (e.g., stress, caffeine, alcohol, warm rooms).
- Sleep Disturbances:
- Difficulty falling asleep.
- Waking frequently during the night (and why – e.g., night sweats, anxiety, needing the toilet).
- Waking up feeling unrefreshed.
- Mood Changes:
- Anxiety (generalised, panic attacks – note frequency and triggers).
- Irritability or mood swings (note patterns or triggers).
- Feelings of sadness or depression (note severity and duration).
- Cognitive Symptoms (Brain Fog/Memory):
- Specific examples (e.g., “Forgetting words mid-sentence,” “Difficulty concentrating on tasks I used to manage easily,” “Losing my train of thought”).
- Physical Symptoms:
- Joint pain (which joints, when is it worse?).
- Headaches (frequency, type, severity).
- Vaginal dryness, discomfort, or pain during intercourse.
- Urinary changes (increased frequency, urgency, incontinence).
- Digestive issues (bloating, changes in bowel habits).
- Heart palpitations (note when they occur, how long they last).
- Skin/hair changes (dryness, thinning hair, acne).
- Weight changes (despite no major changes in diet/exercise).
- Impact on Daily Life:
- How are these symptoms affecting your work, relationships, hobbies, and overall quality of life? (e.g., “My insomnia is making it hard to function at work,” “I’m avoiding social situations due to anxiety”).
2. Preparing Questions for Your Doctor: Having questions ready ensures you cover your concerns. Examples:
- “Based on my symptoms, could I be in perimenopause?”
- “Are there any tests that could help confirm this or rule out other conditions?” (Note: blood tests for hormone levels can be unreliable for diagnosing perimenopause due to daily fluctuations, but may be used to rule out other issues like thyroid problems).
- “What are the treatment options for my main symptoms (e.g., hot flushes, anxiety, sleep issues)?”
- “What are the benefits and risks of Menopause Hormone Therapy (MHT/HRT) for someone like me?”
- “Are there non-hormonal prescription options I could consider?”
- “What lifestyle changes (diet, exercise, stress management) would you recommend to help manage my symptoms?”
- “Are there any long-term health risks associated with perimenopause I should be aware of (e.g., bone health, heart health)?”
- “How will we monitor my progress or the effectiveness of any treatments?”
- “When should I schedule a follow-up appointment?”
- “Are there any local resources or specialists you would recommend if needed?”
3. Considering Desired Outcomes: Think about what you hope to achieve from the appointment. This helps you and your doctor focus the discussion. Examples:
- Understanding: “I want to understand what is happening to my body.”
- Symptom Relief: “I want to find ways to reduce my hot flushes so I can sleep better.” or “I need help managing my anxiety.”
- A Clear Plan: “I’d like to leave with a clear plan of action, whether that’s treatment, lifestyle changes, or further investigation.”
- Validation: “I want to feel heard and have my symptoms acknowledged as real.”
- Information on Options: “I want to be fully informed about all my treatment options so I can make a decision that’s right for me.”
- Referral (if necessary): “If my symptoms are complex, I’d like to discuss a referral to a menopause specialist or gynaecologist.”
- Support for Long-Term Health: “I want to know what I can do now to support my bone and heart health in the future.”
